Trust In a Relationship

Why the Good Enough Factor Builds Trust In a Relationship And Avoids Jealousy

Trust in a relationship is a bit like a bank savings account. To make the bank account grow over time, you have to make little deposits into it. Building trust in relationships operates much the same way.

Trust is the currency of any solid relationship. Trust needs to happen in a relationship so that each party is able to feel listened to and emotionally supported, a critical psychological need. Because trust in a relationship is built and maintained over time through small interactions, each partner needs to have enough of the good enough factor in order to maintain trust and avoid jealousy.

What is the good enough factor?

The good enough factor is about making the connection that you are good enough as a person. You love yourself unconditionally and feel secure with who you are. When each partner feels good enough all by themselves, it's much easier to build trust in a relationship.

How the good enough factor creates trust in a relationship

The good enough factor means the other person accepts themselves - their positive qualities as well as their shortcomings - for who they are and knows that they can have a fulfilling relationship. From this foundation, neither partner unnecessarily suspects the other of infidelity or gets jealous when their partner starts hanging around those of the opposite sex without just cause. When you don't feel good enough, you may find yourself suddenly jealous of whenever your partner hangs around the opposite sex or you automatically suspect they're up to no good if they're going somewhere without you.

Similarly, this applies to your partner as well. When your partner feels good enough about themselves, they won't get unnecessarily jealous of you either. The good enough factor enables both of you to exist as two healthy individuals in a relationship.

Case-study: Joe and Jane

Jane is a 25 year old Irish woman who comes from an abusive family with an alcoholic father. She has managed to put her life together reasonably well, in spite of her background. She is able to hold down a job, and has many friends. Unfortunately, Jane has trust issues when it comes to men. She has trouble trusting her boyfriend Joe when he tells her she is beautiful. She is constantly worried that Joe will leave her for someone else. Recently, she's started therapy and realized that it's her father's emotional abandonment of her that has caused her to have a fear of intimacy in her relationships with men. Joe comes from a healthy family and is very patient. He knows Jane's background makes it hard for her to trust and is understanding of this.

From the case-study, it's obvious Joe has the "good enough factor"

Joe is understanding of Jane's insecure behavior and doesn't get jealous when Jane says she is going out with her girlfriends. In contrast, Jane does get jealous when Joe sometimes hangs out with his male friends. She imagines that Joe is meeting up with another girl somewhere, even though Joe's past behavior gives no indication he would do this and Jane has verified that Joe has gone where he said he would (without Joe's knowledge of course). It looks like Joe is a pretty decent guy and really illustrates how a partner with a strong "good enough factor" can help balance out another partner who doesn't have as strong a good enough factor.

Joe's balancing act brings up another point about building trust in a relationship.

Someone with a really strong good enough factor can help someone who is working through their own trust issues. They can act as extra emotional "currency" in the relationship while the other partner builds up their own good enough factor the way Jane is doing. Joe is the kind of partner you want if you are in a relationship and working on your trust issues.

Your best chance of finding a partner like Joe is to make sure you're working on your good enough factor in therapy if you're an abuse survivor.

As you work on your self-esteem and trust issues, you'll find it becomes easier to meet "quality" people like Joe. You won't be attracting toxic relationships into your life. You'll start to realize you really are good enough as you are. And that's something you can bank on.

 

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