Repressed Memory

Why Exploring a Painful, Repressed Memory Can Help You Feel Happier In the Long Run

You've been in therapy for a while and you start getting little flashes of memory. At first you're not quite sure if they're real. But eventually, they become too compelling to ignore. You almost can't believe it's real.

You don't want to believe that it's real.

You don't want to believe that someone who was supposed to care about you did such an awful thing but you've got this nagging feeling that just won't go away. Maybe you have memories of Grandpa Willie asking you to touch him inappropriately. Maybe he touched you inappropriately. Maybe it was your dad who did it. Maybe it was your mom.

No matter who or what it was, If you have an anxious feeling at even trying to recall certain incidents from your childhood, you might be on the verge of recalling what's commonly referred to as repressed memories or recovered memories.

A repressed memory is something your psychological defenses created for you at the time of the abuse. It was your body's way of keeping you safe at the time and helping you cope with a horrendous trauma that was too painful and psychologically overwhelming to deal with at the time.

You might feel it's too painful to deal with now, so why should you bother? You've got enough in your life to deal with...

Well, if you've suffered from child abuse, there's no question you have plenty to deal with. But exploring the recovered memory with a therapist in a safe environment helps you begin to let your body and your mind release that trauma. It's how you begin to deal with unresolved grief. As you release the grief, you'll start to feel better. You may not notice it at first, but day by day, little by little, you'll get there.

Think of recovering a repressed memory like getting in better shape....

You want to get stronger. So you start doing 10 push-ups a day. Then 20. At first, you'll feel pain. But then you'll start to see the gain. As you begin to more fully accept and integrate the recovered memories of the abuse into your life, you'll find yourself just a little bit calmer.

Those events, people, or places in your life that you once found so challenging will start to get a little bit easier. Will there will be new challenges and discoveries along the way? Of course. But you'll be better equipped to handle them because...

When you begin doing the exploratory work of recovering a repressed memory with your therapist, then just like with push-ups, your "muscles" get stronger.

Only this time, it's your psychological muscles. These are the muscles that help you succeed and find happiness over the long run. The bottom line is, if you can encourage yourself to process a little pain now, you can find a lot of joy later.

So if you feel a little pain at recalling the most challenging parts of your childhood, keep working with your therapist. The pain will lessen in intensity and you will heal yourself and move on with your life. And that kind of personal development is something you can smile about.

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