Positive Coping Skills

How Your Happy Neighbor Can Help You Find Happiness If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

Do you always seem to have more problems than other people? Do you ever wonder why your neighbor Jimmy down the street always seems to have a kind word for you and others and a smile on his face? Do ever wonder why happiness comes easy to him and you feel depressed? Maybe you think it's because you're a child abuse survivor.

I'd agree with you there. Your past abuse can make it harder to find happiness. But there's a much larger reason your problems seem overwhelming. It's so simple that when I tell you, you might even be a little mad at yourself.

Before I tell you the larger reason, let's look at children who aren't abused.

Children who grow up in loving homes are taught certain lessons naturally. They're taught how to handle the ups and downs of friendships, deal with adversities in life, and make decisions that lead to happiness. Over time, the product of this natural upbringing are people like your neighbor Jimmy who always seems to have a kind word for you. This natural, loving parenting leads adults with the positive coping skills to carve out a happy life.

What do I mean by positive coping skills? Basically, positive coping skills are behaviors that enable an individual to deal with the challenges in their life. So while Jimmy may get divorced and feel some pain for a while, he would be able to bounce back because of his healthy coping skills.

But what if you didn't come from a loving home?

If you didn't came from a troubled family, chances are you may have a hard time forming healthy, intimate relationships. You may have trouble setting healthy boundaries, or you may feel a sense of shame. If a setback happens in your life, you may find it harder to bounce back because you didn't have the natural, loving upbringing your neighbor had.

While your neighbor Jimmy may decide to call his friends and share his grief over the divorce, if an emotional setback happened to you, you might struggle in reaching out to others for support. Not being able to express your emotions is a recipe for depression. This isn't your fault, it's all simply a matter of being taught the right coping skills.

The good news is it's always possible to learn new positive coping skills at any age, even if you're a child abuse survivor.

First, make up your mind to learn new skills. For instance, making friendships boils down to feeling good about yourself on the inside first, and then learning how to connect with others. Yes, you may start out with a skill deficit compared to your happy neighbor, but you can learn. How? If you have no idea, start by seeing a cognitive-behavioral therapist (CBT). A CBT can help you deal with unresolved issues caused by abuse, ways of coping with stress, and then help you move forward with new coping skills.

Once you learn new positive coping skills, it's like a snowball effect. You pick up more skills, your confidence increases as a result, and then you continue repeating the process. In time, you can live a life you feel good about. Your problems don't seem so overwhelming. You become like your happy neighbor Jimmy.

Why are you unhappy? Subscribe to the ZenTactics Newsletter.

This newsletter is packed with valuable tips and advice for abuse survivors, with feature articles and freebies to help you. I NEVER spam and you you can unsubscribe at any time.

Return from Positive Coping Skills to Psychology and Mental Health Articles

Return from Positive Coping Skills to Home Page