Summary: Overcoming perfectionism means setting a whole new standard of excellence for yourself - namely, that it's ok to mess up. The good news is that when you give up impossible standards, you have more fun, and you'll be more successful in all the ways that matter.
Overcoming Perfectionism, by Adam Appleson
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
~Anna Quindlen
Do you pride yourself on working hard long after others have left the field and quietly smile to yourself that you're better than they are? Do you pride yourself on always being the best - at work, at school, and on the field?
Well I have some news you're not going to like. You just may have a problem that is actually holding you back from achieving true victory and hindering your personal development.
You're saying to yourself "What do you mean? How can wanting to be the best be holding me back? What is the problem?"
Let me ask you another question - how happy are you when you lose? Do you feel dejected, as if the other guy who won is somehow better than you? Do you silently berate yourself and vow that no one will ever do that to you again?
If you answered yes, then you'll want to keep reading if you want to achieve real victory.
What if I told you that you can be happy even when you lose? Not only that, what if I told you that being miserable when you lose can actually prevent you from improving your performance?
We live in a world where accomplishment is celebrated, and expected. We live under the mantra of "work hard, be the best". We hope that our valedictorians and star athletes in high school go on to become Nobel-prize winning scientists and Olympic champions.
Certainly, there's nothing wrong with high standards. After all, how would man ever have set foot on the moon without shooting for the stars? But there is a fine line between striving for excellence and setting standards for ourselves that only God can meet.
If you're absolutely miserable when you lose and you're constantly comparing yourself to others, not only are you making it harder for yourself to win, you're also suffering needlessly.
Let me say that again in big CAPITAL letters:
Perfectionism. That's right, it sounds like you have a case of perfectionism. Still don't believe me? Well let's try a little self-diagnosis...
You may be suffering from an overdose of perfectionism if...
Merriam Webster's online dictionary defines perfectionism as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. I would add to that definition by labeling perfectionism as a self-defeating psychological state which prohibits you from enjoying your life and accomplishments because of unrealistic expectations that can never be met. It shames you into trying to be more than human.
The problem with perfectionism is that it often gets confused with excellence. Excellence is about setting high standards and doing your best to achieve them while still seeing yourself as a worthwhile person even when you don't meet them. Perfectionism is about being your achievements and forces you to feel like a failure as a person when you fail to achieve what you set out to do.
A good example of someone who represents excellence (as opposed to perfectionism) is Michael Phelps. At the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Michael attempted to match the world record set by American swimmer Mark Spitz of winning 7 gold medals in a single Olympics. Although his third place finish in the 200 meter freestyle race with Ian Thorpe and Pieter van den Hoogenband put a stop to this dream, Michael remarked "How can I be disappointed? I swam in a field with the two fastest freestylers of all time." That's an example of not letting your accomplishments define you, but rather of being able to try your best and still enjoy the accomplishment. By the way, in case you hadn't heard, Michael went on to win 8 gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics.
Reason #1: Perfectionism keeps you from taking on challenges that help you learn and grow, the two things you need to do in order to be successful.
Trying to be perfect all the time keeps you from throwing yourself into new challenges and discovering who you are, because it keeps your focus on avoiding mistakes. It reduces your ability to be playful and to learn, because it takes your focus away from improving in the moment at hand. However, improving from mistakes is the key to learning.
If a world champion like Michael Phelps isn't disappointed by his mistakes, there's no need for you to be either.
Reason #2: A focus on perfection actually hinders your performance.
Rather than enabling you to focus on something positive and moving forward, perfectionism drags you down by keeping you focused on the thing you most want to avoid - mistakes. When you do this, the psychological studies indicate you aren't likely to perform as well. Overcoming perfectionism enables you to engage freely in non-critical performance. This makes you more likely to succeed. It's that simple.
Reason #3: Trying to be perfect all the time makes you unhappy.
Trying to be perfect all the time keeps you in a constant state of self-judgment, making you more prone to anxiety and depression. Overcoming perfectionism increases the level of joy in your life, which is a success in and of itself.
The core issue in perfectionism is that you feel you are incompetent or unworthy if you're not "doing it right." If you weren't allowed to make mistakes and be ok about it as a child, you missed an important part of growing up. Instead, you were given conditional love which tied your sense of self worth to how well you did.
So now it's time to learn the art of letting go. Overcoming perfectionism means you're about to let go of the need to feel ashamed when you screw up. It's time to start having fun. Think of yourself as an excited child ready to plunge in on a new adventure and learn something new.
Utilize the above tips to help you. Think of overcoming perfectionism as a learning process and a chance to enjoy yourself. Don't get so hung up about the end result. Paradoxically, this will get you to your goal faster. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, don't worry about being perfect about it.
Return from Overcoming Perfectionism to Psychology and Mental Health Articles
This newsletter is packed with valuable tips and advice for abuse survivors, with feature articles to help you. I NEVER spam and you you can unsubscribe at any time.
Your kind donations will keep this Free Website and its related Blog and Newsletter going & growing...
P.S. The average donation is $5...