Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

How the "Not Good Enough" Factor Can Stop You From Overcoming Low Self-Esteem If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

 

Let's pretend you're the famous Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. You've just won 8 Olympic gold medals, the most any one person has ever won at a single Olympics in history. You've got Fortune 500 companies calling you just aching for your endorsement. Let's face it, you're on top of the world. There's nothing you can't do.

But of course, it wasn't always like this. You were a seven-year old kid once, afraid to put your face in the water. Michael Phelps, afraid? Yes, it's true. In fact, you were so afraid to put your face in the water that your instructors let you float around on your back in the water. That's why the first stroke you mastered was the backstroke. There were other struggles you faced. You struggled in school with ADHD*, and your mother, Debbie, worked with you to overcome this.

 

It's hard to imagine an Olympic class athlete struggling at anything isn't it?

After all, we only see their sleek polished forms and forget they're human beings with warts underneath just like the rest of us. It's easy to imagine they go through life easily vanquishing any obstacle in their path. Yes, let's not kid ourselves, there's a talent factor involved. But what the Michael Phelps story shows is that nobody starts out with Olympic class performance. It's something that's created through years of dedication and training.

 

Which brings us to this notion of self-esteem...

If you scan the psychological literature, you'll find a lot of varying definitions on self-esteem out there. One of the best ones comes from Dr. Christopher J. Mruk¹ and defines self-esteem as "the lived status of one's competence at dealing with the challenges of living in a worthy way over time." Put another way, if you're able to perform well in a way that is aligned with the "right values", you're going to feel good about yourself. For instance, becoming great at an Olympic sport is a good way to enhance your level of self-esteem because you are becoming competent at something that benefits yourself, and arguably others to a certain extent. However, becoming good at murder is not a good way to develop self-esteem, because you are becoming competent at something that is not right or beneficial to anyone.

 

But since children aren't born with self-esteem how do they acquire it?

If you watched the 2008 Summer Olympics, one of the things you may have noticed is that frequent references were made to Debbie Phelps, Michael's mother, about how she was always there for Michael and how she helped him become the success he is today. In terms of first learning to feel good about ourselves unconditionally when we haven't developed much competence, the most important thing to have as a child is the unconditional love of a skilled parent who helps us meet challenges according to the "right values.". Luckily, Michael had this. Debbie's support of Michael's swimming enabled him to keep getting better and better. It enabled him to go from a little boy who was afraid to put his face in the water to an Olympic superstar.

 

But you're not Michael Phelps and you may not get to the Olympics.

If you're a child abuse survivor, you probably never had the support of a great mother like Debbie Phelps. Your chance at building your self-esteem took a beating. That's why you're wondering how to begin overcoming low self-esteem today. The good news is, you can do it. The bad news is, it's going to be a little tough at first. You're going to have to conquer the "not good enough" factor.

I call it the "not good enough" factor because an abusive childhood can make you afraid to try new things. It can make you feel like you're "not good enough" to do something. Of course, this only reinforces feelings of incompetence and unworthiness.

 

So be the 7 year-old version of Michael Phelps if you want to begin overcoming low self-esteem.

Yes, you may be afraid to stick your face in the water at first. You may feel like you're not "not good enough." So try floating on your back. The only way to get better at something and start generating feelings of competence is to try it! Try something. Do anything. Try a new hobby or sport. Take classes at your local community college. Just do something to expand yourself. This is the key to improving self-esteem.

The other thing you shouldn't be afraid to get while you're busy overcoming low self-esteem is support. If you'll recall from earlier, Michael's mother helped her son generate feelings of intrinsic self-worth by unconditionally loving and supporting her son. If you didn't have that growing up, you may be wondering how to do that now. The answer is simple. Get a therapist. A therapist will help you create that atmosphere of trust and support that is necessary for overcoming low self-esteem if you're a child abuse survivor.

 

Begin beating back the "not good enough" factor.

If you're a child abuse survivor, the best way to begin overcoming low self-esteem is to try new things you're interested in and get the support of a mental health professional along the way. There's no such thing as "not good enough" when it comes to trying new things. Because even the best Olympic swimmer in the world was once a 7-year old boy afraid to stick his face in the water.

 

Return from Overcoming Low Self-Esteem to Psychology and Mental Health Articles

Return from Overcoming Low Self-Esteem to Home Page

Footnotes

Keep up with the latest news and information for your growth and recovery. Subscribe to the ZenTactics Newsletter and receive 3 FREE Gifts!

This newsletter is packed with valuable tips and advice for abuse survivors, with feature articles to help you. I NEVER spam and you you can unsubscribe at any time.

Your kind donations will keep this Free Website and its related Blog and Newsletter going & growing...
P.S. The average donation is $5...