Managing Anger

Why Avoiding a Crescendo Effect is the Key to Managing Anger In a Conflict With Your Mother If You're an Abuse Survivor

 

Have you ever watched a movie where the action begins to build? Perhaps you may have noticed that the music does too. In fact, it may get louder and louder to keep pace with the action. There is an Italian term for this, and it's called a crescendo. Its opposite, the act of getting quieter, is called a decrescendo. But what does this have to do with managing anger in conflicts with your mother (or anyone else)?

 

Arguments behave like movie music too.

Perhaps you're talking with your mother having a somewhat pleasant conversation, and all of a sudden she starts getting on your case about a sensitive area. Let's say it's your weight as an example. Bad move. That's one of your hot button triggers. You try to keep it under control but your voice starts getting louder as you object to what she just said. "How many times have I told you not to go there?" you exclaim. Your mother tells you she's saying it "out of love." Next thing you know, you're involved in another screaming match.

 

So how do you avoid this kind of argumentative crescendo?

For that we turn to Professor Siegman at the University of Maryland. Siegman performed some experiments that showed humans tend to match the other person's vocal style. So the louder you get when you're angry, the louder I will get in response. But that's not all. You see, anger excites your nervous system and speeds up your heart rate. This in turn adds more intensity to your voice, and you start getting caught up in a vicious cycle of getting louder and louder that feeds on itself.

The trick to avoiding the crescendo effect in a conflict is to respond quietly but firmly. It doesn't matter if the other person is screaming, you have to respond quietly and firmly to start bringing a decrescendo effect into the argument.

 

You may be thinking to yourself "but sometimes I just can't help screaming."

Consider the following fact. One study of 255 medical-school students measured the overt expression of anger among the students. It turns out the angriest of them had roughly 25 times as much heart disease as the least angry some twenty-five years later. Too much screaming can kill you, literally.

That's why it's worth learning how to begin letting go of anger. It helps you in your career, and in staying alive longer. One of the most effective ways for letting go of anger is counseling, because the sharing and understanding of your emotions enables you to figure how to move on. That's why many of the articles on this site are always suggesting that if you're an abuse survivor, you enroll in therapy. Therapy helps you resolve a lot of the stuff that may be beneath your anger.

Another thing you can try at home is meditation. From my own experience, I believe meditation enables you to start "getting outside of yourself" so to speak and helps you in dealing with anger in the long run. This enables you not to take things personally when they occur. I've found that over the years, things that used to bother me simply don't anymore. If you have a hard time sitting still, you may want to try a CD meditation program like Holosync. You can go here for a complete review of the Holosync program and how it helped me.

And of course, when all else fails, you can just walk away from the argument.

 

As you start practicing a quiet and firm response, you'll start finding the conflict in your life just melting away. You won't have conflicts with your mother that crescendo into screaming matches. You'll have upgraded your anger management skills and saved your life in the process. Isn't managing anger by avoiding the crescendo effect worth it?

 

Did that help?

Yes, but I would like to:

Learn Why Not Letting Go of Anger Can Hurt Your Career If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

Learn Why Avoiding a Crescendo Effect is the Key to Managing Anger In a Conflict With Your Mother If You're an Abuse Survivor

Learn What is anger and what are the effects of anger?

Learn Anger Myths Every Child Abuse Survivor Should Know

Assess How Angry I Am With This Anger Quiz

How Helium-Filled Balloons Can Help You With Anger and Depression If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

Learn How Ten-thousand Israelis Show Why Suppressed Anger Is Dangerous To Your Health

Why Understanding Your Childhood Issues Is Critical In Learning How To Control Anger If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

Learn How to Make More Friends After Surviving Abuse (e-book)

Learn Strategies for Dealing With Depression (e-book)

Learn How to Relax With Meditation (Audio Compact Disc)

 

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