Why Not Letting Go of Anger Can Hurt Your Career If You're a Child Abuse Survivor
Have you ever watched a horror movie where all of a sudden the monster jumps out and catches the victim by surprise? The victim felt perfectly safe, contentedly doing their thing, and then BAM, just like that the monster makes his move. And as you're watching, you get scared because you didn't even see it coming.
To understand this, let's look at Drew's story. Now Drew is an architect who loves to design buildings. Even though he's only two months into his new job at Sinclair Design Corporation, his boss Stephanie can see Drew has the potential to do great work for the company. But Stephanie's boss, Paul, has a policy of giving all new employees an assignment to write a five page report on the history of Sinclair.
Drew loves design but hates writing. But he decides that maybe if he sucks it up for a while and turns in the assignment, he'll get a raise. So for the next three weeks, Drew does some design work but also works on writing the report. He finally turns it in to Stephanie who loves it. So does Paul. Drew is glad to get this monkey off his back and promptly asks for a raise. He feels he deserves one after doing so well on an assignment he absolutely hated. Stephanie, while surprised, calmly explains that company policy does not include giving raises after just two months on the job. Drew is furious. He knows he deserves that raise. When he doesn't get it, he quits his job.
Of course, this isn't the first time Drew has quit a job like this. This is his fourth job since he graduated college in the past two years. It's been hard to hold down steady employment because of his anger.
His parents were abusive. Drew knows that letting go of anger from his childhood is something he struggles with. He knows that because he spent his childhood unable to really explore the world around him, he often gets angry when asked to do something he really doesn't enjoy, even if it is for a new job where it's helpful to make a good first impression.
Now obviously rebelling against authority may not be a childhood issue you bring to your work, but can you think of any that are? Your old childhood anger that may be hindering your work performance. I'm guessing you don't want to struggle the way Drew is struggling, because let's face it, quitting job after job is not the way to advance your career in the long run. It looks bad in the eyes of any future employer.
Acknowledging you're angry is what you first have to do to begin letting go of anger. Don't shove it down and say "all is forgiven" when you still feel mad. Recognize that you're angry. Do lots of free-writing where you write "I'm angry because..." and then just write whatever comes to mind. Vent to your therapist because it's important to have a supportive person to whom you can tell your story and get support. Share what's making you so angry. Studies of trauma victims have shown that this act of sharing your story in a safe space helps you heal.
Once you've acknowledged your anger, begin making a brand new life for yourself. The "old" you was abused, and abandoned, but as you heal, the "new" you will be strong and resilient. The best way to create this strength is to:
Letting go of anger isn't an overnight thing for abuse survivors typically. Rather it's a process. I've found that over the years as I've done the above, I've just gotten less angry as I implemented the above strategies. Letting go of anger was a gradual shift that happened.
Obviously, the coping strategies you implement will depend on your issues. But here are some strategies to try that will make your life more pleasant at work in general and help you in conquering anger on the job:
That's perfectly normal. If I had a dime for every time I felt frustrated along the journey, I'd be wealthier than Bill Gates of Microsoft fame. But as you take the above steps, you'll begin letting go of anger. New challenges will crop up, but you'll have built up the resilience to deal with them. You'll be running your life more effectively.
Of course, if you're an abuse survivor one of the extra challenges you face may be dealing with anxiety and depression. One of the tools I've found that's really helped me stay calm are meditation CD's. I've found that putting them on helps me stay relaxed. And while I haven't done a formal study, I feel like they've helped me be able to think more clearly. So you may want to try out a program like Holosync.
But that doesn't mean that with enough time, patience, and by implementing the skills listed above that you can't slay the beast. You can. And then you can watch your career soar.
Yes, but I would like to:
Learn Why Not Letting Go of Anger Can Hurt Your Career If You're a Child Abuse Survivor
Learn What is anger and what are the effects of anger?
Learn Anger Myths Every Child Abuse Survivor Should Know
Assess How Angry I Am With This Anger Quiz
How Helium-Filled Balloons Can Help You With Anger and Depression If You're a Child Abuse Survivor
Learn How Ten-thousand Israelis Show Why Suppressed Anger Is Dangerous To Your Health
Learn How to Make More Friends After Surviving Abuse (e-book)
Learn Strategies for Dealing With Depression (e-book)
Learn How to Relax With Meditation (Audio Compact Disc)
Return from Letting Go of Anger to Psychology and Mental Health Articles
Return from Letting Go of Anger to Home Page
*Armour, Stephanie. "Friendship and Work: A Good or Bad Partnership?" USA Today. 8/2/2007. Accessed 2/10/2010. http://www.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2007-08-01-work-friends_N.htm#productivity
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