Causes of Low Self-Esteem

How The Causes of Low Self-Esteem Make You Unhappy If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

Imagine you're Winston Churchill, the famous English prime minister who led the British people successfully during World War II. It's your job to deliver stirring words of wisdom over the radio to help keep the British fighting on in the midst of being bombed by the Nazis. You're known as a great orator and speaker. So it would seem a little silly to suggest that you have a speech impediment that would keep you from doing this.

But in fact, Winston had a speech impediment when he was younger. But he worked tirelessly to overcome it. He overcame it so well that he became renowned for his public speeches that could keep the spirits of the British public up.

It's fair to say that Churchill didn't have any self-esteem issues when it came to delivering speeches. In fact, his ability to give great speeches probably boosted his self-esteem.

But how does someone like Winston develop a good sense of self-esteem?

To understand the answers, first you have to understand the concept of self-esteem. Self-esteem is in a nutshell how we feel about ourselves. If someone feels good about themselves we say they have a high level of self-esteem. If someone feels bad about themselves we say they have a low level of self-esteem. If you've survived child abuse, chances are good that you've come out with a sense of low self-esteem.

 

Two Causes of Low Self-Esteem If You've Survived Child Abuse

#1: Lack of unconditional love and emotional connection as a child

We model the way feel about ourselves as children through the eyes of our parents. If our parents treat us unconditionally with love and respect, we come to see ourselves as deserving of love and respect. If they don't, we may grow up feeling that we don't deserve to be loved and respected, and as a result, our self-esteem is damaged. We may even have feelings of emptiness or feelings of shame.

#2: Lack of opportunity to develop new skills.

As Winston showed us, overcoming a challenge like a speech impediment provides a boost to self-esteem. If you were abused, the dynamics of your family likely didn't allow for many learning opportunities. You may not have been able to take karate lessons or join the soccer team. Human beings develop self-esteem when they're allowed to challenge themselves with specific tasks and become better at them.

 

How These Causes of Low Self-Esteem Make You Unhappy

#1: Lack of unconditional love and emotional connection as a child

If you didn't experience the feeling of being unconditionally loved as a child, then it can feel hard to learn how to love yourself. People who love themselves are happy and have the positive coping skills to handle life's setbacks. They have healthy relationships and a sense of who they are.

When you have emotional connections with others as a child, it helps you build your relationship skills so you can understand how to deal with others. This helps you create new friendships and find an intimate relationship. When this gets disrupted by abuse, it blocks one of the major sources of confidence and happiness in life.

People are social animals, and we all need the love and support that come from emotional connections. Not having this can be quite depressing, and make you feel bad about yourself.

#2: Lack of opportunity to develop new skills.

Learning new skills and challenging ourselves contributes to our sense of self-worth and helps us in building self-esteem. When opportunities like this are not available or taken away from us, we tend to atrophy psychologically. Challenging ourselves and growing contributes to our self-esteem and happiness.

 

How to Overcome These Causes of Low Self-Esteem

You can start by finding a good therapist. A good therapist will help you resolve old emotional trauma and validate your feelings. By creating this safe and supportive relationship, you begin to undo the effects of the child abuse. That will take care of cause #1 (lack of unconditional love). As for cause #2 (lack of opportunity), it's something you'll have to do with the support and encouragement of your therapist. You'll have to begin overcoming low self-esteem by trying new activities that offer you a chance to explore your world. No matter how it turns out, simply trying something new will aid you in building self-esteem. So think of something you've always wanted to do but never had the chance to. Then do it.

You may not be Winston Churchill. You may not want to give great speeches to inspire others. But you can develop a high level of self-esteem. All you have to do is try.

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